Color Of Tomorrow
by loner-in-the-world
Summary: There's no sense in imagining not having a heart because its impossible to imagine what it was like with one once its gone. Warnings: Vexen craziness. Shortness. Yaoi Loviness: Xigbar x Vexen


Colors Of Tommorow

_"B... Braig?"  
"Even?"_

_"Y-yes! Its me, Even.."_

_"God, its been... its been forever."  
"Yeah I know I'm so.. happy to see you."  
"Heh, I bet you are."  
_

Two Shadow Heartless were standing, staring at each other. Both shaking in awkward ways by their new nature's account. They'd looked for years for each other's heart, longing to see another one of Ansem's apprentices to know this was real and not just an illusion the darkness made. Ah yes, the darkness. During their research they'd gotten quite caught up into it. Ansem would call them foolish right now. Well, the _real_ Ansem would while the farce of a man that was using his name would simply call it ingenious that they were progressing so far into their reseach. They had become their own test dummies and used themselves well but not wise.

_"Hey, Braig do you think we could..?"  
"Could what, Even?"_

The heart of Braig was smirking, knowing exactly what was wrong.

_"Braig, please don't make me ask..."  
"Well, do you think it will work?"  
"Its worth the try.. h-huh?"_

_"Sure thing."_

So the two Shadow Heartless' arms started to twitch, forcing themselves to evolve on a minutes notice. Braig managed to get control of the body enough that he held out a shaking arm. Yes, it was shaking, but mostly in the same spot - spasms causing it to stray from it a little. Even was struggling, but trying, reaching up a shaking Heartless hand. Finally their few fingers that the bodies possessed touched. Braig took the intiative to push forward and grabbed "Even's" hand, enterwining their fingers. The two Shadow Heartless looked adoreable. Holding hands with fingers iching to get free but determined to stay together.

--

The Freeshooter let out a sigh. This happened a lot.

He was stuck waiting for Vexen to "finish up some paperwork" that he neglected to do all day, spending that time on what Xigbar thought were petty experiments. But he would never speak a word of that aloud, oh _god_ no. Vexen would be absolutely devasted that the one man he found some kind of "comfort" in didn't back up his beliefs and findings.

Yes, Vexen wished he had his heart back so he could once again tell Xigbar that he loved him. He longed to go back to the days of Braig and Even. But those days were long since pasted ever since their research had started to take new heights. In a sense, they were still conducting the research - it was just unintentional. All Organixation XIII wanted was their hearts back.

Xigbar longed for those days again too. Days when he was Braig holding Even and everything would feel right in the world when now its just like nothing. It was cute and cuddling back then, now its just rugged and almost forced.

The two members just wanted to stay together to convince themselves that their relationship could be saved. Though they notice, others had taken different paths such as Zexion and Lexeaus, splitting apart for the time being. That would only make their reunion that much sweeter and filled with newly-reaqquainted love again. Well, that was four of the six members - Dilan and Xehanort remained bachelors at the time but Xemnas just seems to get closer and closer to Saix every time you seem them confront each other. Not to mention Xaldin was drinking _a lot more_ with Luxord than usual. Nearly every night.

If any of them had hearts, this Organization would probably be the weakest, fluffiest thing there was... they would just be so wrapped up in those they found the most comfort in...

But that had nothing to do with the right here, right now. Xigbar was still staring at the back of Vexen's head and Vexen was still scratching the pen against the paper was quickly as he possibly could.

"So... what is in all this paperwork that takes up our time at night, Vexen?"

"You would hardly understand." So he _did_ get it that Xigbar didn't particularly enjoy his side experiments. He didn't act very well for a Nobody that only had its instincts to _act_ on. "But... its just notes on what I did today."

The gunsman had to stop for a second to take that understanding in. "A diary."

"Its not a diary!"

"Its a diary." Xigbar said, quite amused, as he stood from his spot lazily spread across Vexen's bed. "Let me see."

"No! I told you its not a diary and it hold classified information!"

"You mean gossip?"

"Not even close! Number II!" Xigbar was reaching his arms under Vexen's own and clutching the edges of the notebook that The Chilly Academic was hunched over. "Don't you dare!"

"Is that a challenge?"

"No, its not a challenge! And you know it isn't!"

"I say otherwise." Xigbar taunted in Vexen's ear as he struggled but finally got the notebook from Vexen.

"Xigbar!"

" 'Ah... 2/4; one of the two days in the year that our numbers correspond. One of the only reasons I bother keeping track of the months.' " Xigbar looked over, a raised eyebrow. "So that's why you keep track of months still, eh?"

"Stop it!" The blonde took a daring step and swipe for his journal forward. "Xigbar!"

" 'These are the two days in the year that I work on a special gift--' "

"BRAIG!"

Well, Vexen, that could... turn some Nobody heads. A knock graced the door. "Are you alright in there, Vexen?" Zexion. His passing curiousity was probably the only thing that made him stop. When you hear a name you recognize but haven't heard for awhile you stop for a moment to reflect.

"Yes, I am; thank you Zexion." Without a reply back fading footsteps were heard outside. This led the calmed green eyes back to one gold one. "Please, just give me my notebook back, Xigbar." His playful mood was killed and he sighed, closing the spiral notebook and sliding it into Vexen's hands. "Thank you."

There was a silence save for the slight play between a clacking and _tmp_ing sound that the Ogranization shoes made. The Chilly Academic walked over to his desk, gently set the notebook down as it was the most precious thing ever and walked back to his previous spot, standing to the slight side of Xigbar but a fair distance away.

"Why did you use that name?" A monotone gold eye shifted over. "Does it still mean something, even now... Even?"

_Yes, of course you idiot. Hope I'll get to love you again._ But that's now what came out. "In some sense, yes." A shot sentance in his normal arrogant and confident tone.

The Freeshooter sighed and rolled his eyes. "You know, _just because_ you don't have a heart, doesn't mean..." He took a step or two until he was dead on in front of Vexen, linking his hands onto his mid-lower back and pulling him close to himself. "... you have to be so serious about it. Don't pick up Xemnas' bad qualities - I have urge enough to punch him for getting us into this mess."

Vexen only nodding silently, his hands naturally sliding onto Xigbar's chest as his ducked head moved closer to him; forehead settling against his collarbone. The silence went on and they stayed like that for awhile, the only movement was the blonde later wrapping his arms around the older man's neck and the scared man pulling his counterpart against him completely. The embrace was tight but lacking any kind of love, just a thing that would come natural as they tried so hard to remember how warm this used to be. That was possibly the reason it always turned into more than just a hug. It would turn into a silent hold, with one curled defensively against the other in some way.

The blonde felt like crying, but there couldn't possibly be a way to do it. He couldn't be sad, so he couldn't cry. "Everything in this second life is so damn hard. You can't do this, its impossible to do that... Isn't that what research is about? Finding out about things that you don't think could possibly be done? Getting solutions and results that matter and make a difference to your life as it stands?! What are we doing so wrong?!" Vexen looked up and stared Xigbar in the eye. "Why won't Xemnas try to find another solution?! Why is it _just_ Kingdom Hearts?! **What if it doesn't work**?!"

Xigbar had to stop and stare at his blonde-haired scientist. He was breaking the little sanity Xemnas would spare for every one of them. The little will Vexen _had_ to move forward is lost. He could see that in his eyes. The Freeshooter could remember back when they had hearts and were Somebodies, they had no ugly counterparts. Vexen's eyes would have such a gorgeous gleam to them. A green as right as rain and deep as the blades of grass in a freshly watered lawn. They always showed some kind of beautiful hope that he couldn't deny. But now all he saw of those once pretty eyes was a beautiful disaster. The crackling stained glass of green was showing its true colors. The colors that built up from so many years of guilt, terror and depression.

He is like the last leaf to fall off the tree.

He is like the last call of a dying animal.

He is like the last bit on sunlight in the day.

He is like the last hope that the Organization had.

He is like the last breath that their leader would take in the presence of the victor - Sora. And they both knew it. And they both couldn't stop it. And they both got so caught up in stupid theories that they lost themselves like complete idiots.

And Xigbar couldn't do a thing for his dear, sweet Vexen.


End file.
